04
Sep
08

Orange adverts

 The Orange adverts have just done my head in, I am….well heres part of mine.

I am who I am because

I am who I am because of my dad splitting with his wife and moving in his new wife Norma in 1959.

I am who I am because I can still remember back to when I was three.

I am who I am because Norma would make me stand in front of the paraffin heater if I complained of being cold, trouble was she wouldn’t let me move away even when I jumping up and down in pain.

I am who I am because Norma made me eat my own faeces when I was ill after my father left them in my pyjamas and went off to work.

I am who I am because the taste and texture has stayed with me.

I am who I am because I cant eat warm snicker bars.

I am who I am because I had to kneel in the lane behind our house and drink out of oil stained puddles after being denied drinks by Norma

I am who I am because I tried to hang myself at Oakenrod primary school, fearing to go home.

I am who I am because my jumper ripped and no one found out why.

I am who I am because Norma only ever marked me once with baby reins on the back of my legs, she left the marking to young Julie with her sharp finger nails.

I am who I am because Norma would hold me back in the car when we arrived at Granddads to instruct me with a glare on her face “not to have more than one sweet”

I am who I am because my granddad had a very big bag of sweets and wasn’t tight at handing them out.

I am who I am because I can suck a sweet for hours in fear.

I am who I am because My dads family had a meeting when I was about 2 years old and decided it was best not to do anything about their fears for my safety as Norma would probably stop dad visiting them.

I am who I am because we moved out of my dads family’s constant gaze to a chip shop in Oswaldtwistle.

I am who I am because I was tied to my bed whilst the family went out for the day, why? I had been caught drinking out of the outside toilet one hot summer in Oswaldtwistle, why, Norma was depriving me from drinking and was watching my every move indoors.

I am who I am because I was always running away, and hiding behind friends sofa’s if there was a knock on the door, I was unaware of the power of the phone.

I am who I am because I cant remember the lounge at the chippy, I dont think I spent much time in there.

I am who I am because of the great awakening when I moved to Bispham that this life wasn’t normal.

I am who I am because I went to Grange Park infant school in Bispham, where my memory is of sunny days and bright classrooms.

I am who I am because I was denied entry to Grammar school by Norma with the reason it wouldn’t be fair on the others, it would make me look different to the others, “ No I think it would be better if they all went to the same one”.

I am who I am because I entered Montgomery High School in 1 alpha for English and maths and left in 5E.

I am who I am because I went to secondary school in short trousers until my fourth year, (happy slapping) and wearing Victorian shoes from the charity shop.

I am who I am thankfully because Mr Snoade gave me extra school dinners and told me not to worry about the School speech day.

I am who I am because I had to walk my younger brother and sister to school at Grange Park for 9.00am making me late for my school in the opposite direction.

I am who I am because of that little serving hatch which connected the lounge to the kitchen.

I am who I am because for my teenage years an upward jerk of Norma s head through that hatch meant bed even if it was 7.00pm and high summer.

I am who I am because I was only allowed into my lounge to dust, hoover and polish.

I am who I am because I have never watched much television.

I am who I am because I learnt to amuse myself.

I am who I am because the neighbours thought I loved running to the shops, when I just didn’t want to be late.

I am who I am because of the Christmas day I spent cycling around Blackpool and Cleveleys trying to buy some cornflakes because Nan was coming and she liked them. Every time I made it home I could see Norma clock me as I opened the gate,rushing she would greet me at the door and after the hushed “have you got some” I was told to “try that little shop in Glynn Square” or some other far off place. By the time she let me in Christmas day with family and relations was over.

I am who I am because of the caning I received when it wasn’t my fault it was Norma’s.

I am who I am because of all the detentions I suffered where if I was lucky I could do my homework.

I am who I am because I was never allowed to do homework at home.

I am who I am because everyone’s tea leafs where poured into a cup for my breakfast along with a slice of dry bread with jam.

I am who I am because I ate dog food in the shed whilst I should have been feeding the dog.

I am who I am because I could scrape waste food into my mouth as I bent over to scrape it into the bin under the sink.

I am who I am because always being hungry turned me into a thief.

I am who I am because no one did anything about what I told them apart from giving me extra dinners

I am who I am because I never had any sports gear and people where always taking the mick, seeing as I was as thin as a rake.

I am who I am because I painted my greying stinking pumps which I had rescued from the bin in three coats of brilliant white gloss paint after Mr Carr said he would be checking next time. Norma had flatly refused to buy me any.

I am who I am because I can still see Mr Carr stooped over walking down the line checking a week later. He sailed on past me for at least three more people then spun on one foot to face my direction, raced over eyes glued to my pumps, he was a horrible person.

I am who I am because I was searched on a school trip to Ingleton falls by Mr Carr and Mr Brooke and had to pull out of my shiny red anorak pocket two jam sandwiches which embarrassed him, made all my class laugh and snigger which they had been really since I turned up in my school uniform shiny red anorak and pumps. Later whilst sat between the limestone pavement out of the weather, Pook clad in his brand new himalay hiking gear and moon boots, got out his lunch box packed to the brim with scoff able goodies. I slipped out my two jam sandwiches and and slipped them down a fissure in the rock beside me.

I am who I am because I was bloody freezing in my shiny red anorak.

I am who I am because my pumps weren’t water proof.

I am who I am because I had a friend called Geoffrey Widdop who’s sofa I hid behind in Norbrek.

I am who I am because I met a shady couple in the tram shelter across from Norbrek Castle whilst running away from home.

I am who I am because of the toasted egg sandwiches and the tea with one spoonful of leaves I had when brought home by the police after running away again.

I am who I am because of the Victoria hospital visit to try and find out why I was thin, some barium meal or similar was poured down my throat and I was x rayed. They could have just asked me.

I am who I am because everyone believed Norma.

I am who I am because of my first job as an apprentice typesetter, a job I really enjoyed.

I am who I am because I had to stand like everyone else to collect my first wages and being the only one left when everyone else had gone home. Norma had been in and collected them, being allowed as I was under 18 (law).

I am who I am because the boss finished me with the reason “that lady will be a nightmare for you for the rest of your life, its better you think of getting as far away from her as possible”, “I am finishing you because she will affect your life and it will affect your work”.

I am who I am because of the time I spent at my friends Collins house.

I am who I am because I ended up living on the streets for a number of years.

I am who I am because I used to search bins for food.

I am who I am because of the intense cold suffered.

I am who I am because of the hunger I suffered along the way.

I am who I am because I missed out on the socialising part of life during these years.

I am who I am because of the lady (Christine) who made me put the apple back in the box outside the greengrocers and help her carry her shopping home. Later after a bath and the lending of some of her giant husbands clothes I was introduced to her kids, and was given the promise I could eat anything left after she had dished up for herself and the little ones. She was a good traditional cook and my health soon returned.

I am who I am because of the time I stayed in that family’s home.

I am who I am because of the time I spent hiding on the farm out at Outer Rawtenstalle, where I was to meet my future wife.

I am who I am because of the look on the farmers wife’s face as she hurried up the yard to tell me she had just had a call from Norma.

I am who I am because I had that urgent feeling to flee and did.

I am who I am because of the time I spent at 92 Reads Avenue in Blackpool with my girlfriend Caroline.

I am who I am because of the meeting we had with Norma, Julie and Susan after Norma found out where Caroline worked, we left after Norma insulted Caroline.

I am who I am because of the visit my dad made to 92 armed with wedding presents, and at 11.00pm asked if Norma could come in, the answer was no. She had sat outside in the car for over two hours.

I am who I am because of my wedding day, where the Registrar took me aside to tell me “he shouldn’t really have to be telling me Norma wasn’t my mum and hadn’t slept much after discussing it all night with his wife”.

I am who I am because I managed to get my wife Caroline to move hundreds of miles away from Norma to number 5.

I am who I am because Norma grabbed my arm in the kitchen at no5 and said “you will call me mum or I will tell your dad”, I didn’t.

I am who I am because I managed to put a ban on Norma coming into my house after too many years.

I am who I am because I haven’t seen or heard from my family for years except from my dad.

I am who I am because I once wrote my dad a letter explaining some of this, and it took over three months to write, but she denied it I am presuming.

I am who I am because my dad never beat the living daylights out of her nasty sadistic cruel head.

I am who I am because Norma died before I could get her to court or publicly punish her in some way.

I am who I am because I have spent most of my life wishing I could get her to court and worrying about what my dad would think and the little lad no one believed is still in there.

I am who I am because it took me until I was over 40 years old before I met my real mum.

I am who I am because I am hoping one day to get over it.

I am who I am because the future isn’t bright.

 
 
Advertisements

0 Responses to “Orange adverts”



  1. Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


Flickr Photos


%d bloggers like this: